


Five Times Sidney Told Someone She Was Transgender and One Time Geno Did

by visionshadows



Series: Her Journey Bright and Pure [26]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Claude Giroux is a douche, Coming Out, Concussions, F/M, Fake boobs, Five Times, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Hormone therapy, Kid Fic, Kris Letang is probably not an asshole, M/M, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 18:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visionshadows/pseuds/visionshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what is says on the box.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Sidney Told Someone She Was Transgender and One Time Geno Did

1\. Taylor Crosby

 

Sidney’s head hurts and she feels sick and her tongue is thick in her mouth and it’s not the concussion. It’s not the concussion at all. It’s the index card that’s in her hand, already damp with sweat and Taylor staring at her, looking so worried. Taylor’s only here for a few days, begging time to stay with Sidney to keep an eye on her.

“I … I’m,” Sidney croaks out, her sister moving closer, a hand hovering like she wants to touch and Sidney reaches out, grabs it too tightly and Taylor clings back just as tightly. “Tay…”

“Sid,” Taylor murmurs. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.”

And Sidney hates Pamela so much for saying Sidney needs to tell someone, needs someone else to know that she’s transgender so she can talk about it outside of therapy. Why the hell is she telling Taylor who is too damn young to have to deal with Sidney’s messed up head and body and she shakes her head and tries to pull her hand away, but Taylor won’t let her. 

There’s blood rushing in her ears and she’s not going to be able to get it out. She can’t talk and Taylor is looking so damn scared. So she does the only thing she can think of and shoves the sweaty index card at Taylor and makes her take it. The index card that holds the speech Sidney and Pamela had written together, to help Sidney say it. The index card that holds the truth of who she really is.

Taylor still doesn’t let Sidney pull away as she reads the card. She finishes, looks at Sidney and then reads again. And a third time and Sidney’s going to pass out. She really is. 

Taylor sets the card down and moves closer, wraps her arms around Sidney tightly and squeezes. “I told you it was okay, loser.”

And Sidney collapses, like invisible strings have been cut and she starts to cry, sobbing messily on Taylor’s shoulder as her sister rocks her and says soothing things that Sidney can’t understand at all. She cries for herself, for Taylor, for the damn concussion and everything that just isn’t okay any longer. 

When Sidney finally pulls back, still making embarrassing little sobbing noises, Taylor looks wrecked, her eyes red and her face blotchy with tears as well. It make her feel horrible and now her head is pounding from the concussion and she can feel the lights piercing her skull and she moans, covering her eyes. 

Taylor moves quickly, but carefully. She shuts out lights and settles Sidney back against the pillows on the bed with an ice pack against her neck. She doesn’t touch Sidney when she rests her head on the pillow next to her and Sidney wants to tell her it’s okay, but everything is narrowed into pain and dizziness. 

“It’s okay,” Taylor says again, her voice a whisper that feels like screaming to Sidney. “I love you. I’m always going to love you no matter what.”

And Sidney wants to cry again. She’s going to throw up if she cries again and she briefly thinks guiltily of how she threw up on Geno a few days ago when she started to cry on the drive back from Pamela’s office. 

“Breathe slowly,” Taylor instructs, her voice still soft, soothing. “Shh… it’s okay. Everything is okay. I'll even teach you how to wear blush without looking like a clown.”

Sidney starts to calm, breathing, focusing on Taylor’s constant reassurances that it’s okay. Everything is okay. She starts to drift off, finally getting the respite of sleep from the pain. 

The last thing she hears is Taylor murmuring that she always wanted a sister.

 

2\. Jonathan Toews

 

Jonny’s always going to be someone Sidney holds in high regard. It’s not that Sidney thinks he’s perfect because he’s really not. He’s a stubborn asshole who spends too much time bitching about Kaner whenever they talk. He plays recklessly too often and gets too emotional during games. 

Which okay, Sidney knows that’s kind of her MO as well, but she doesn’t take tons of stupid penalties during the fucking playoffs - any series with the Flyers doesn’t count - or gets so obviously worked up that her teammates have to talk her off the ledge during the middle of a game. 

She tells him he’s an idiot after he wins the Stanley Cup of course because she’s not an asshole who is going to call a friend out for being an idiot on the ice when she’s still licking her own damn wounds. She texts him once, tells him that they better destroy Boston. Thankfully they do and Sidney feels slightly vindicated when she sees Chara crying.

But he’s always going to be someone she trusts because of how he treated her in Vancouver. How he’s never said a word to anyone about what really went down in their room, not even after she started dating Geno. And he hears about Geno just as much as she hears about Kaner - though she does a lot less bitching.

They’re having lunch in Los Angeles in the apartment she rents when she’s training there and talking about the Olympics when she does it. It’s not planned and it kind of slips out, much like when she told Max. At least she’s not high on painkillers and missing half her teeth this time.

Jonny’s got his fork halfway to his mouth and he’s just staring at her, his pasta slipping back down onto the plate in a heap. Sidney rewinds what she said in her head and realizes that she just told him a story about Geno learning how to do electrolysis so they can continue it while they’re in Russia. Apparently she’s a little too excited about finally taking a step towards becoming female if she told the story to Jonny.

“Oh fuck,” Sidney says, staring back at him. Jonny sets his fork down and takes a careful sip of his water, his eyes on the slightly reddened skin she knows is on her jaw and upper lip. 

“You ... uh,” Jonny gestures a little at her face. “Why?”

Sidney drops her forehead into her hand, staring down at the table before she mentally says fuck it and looks at Jonny, meeting his gaze. 

“I’m transgender,” Sidney says calmly. 

Jonny wrinkles his forehead, but doesn’t say anything. He takes another drink of his water slowly, calmly, perfectly controlled.

“That … makes sense actually.” Jonny tilts his head a little, looking at her. “That’s why you didn’t want a blowjob. Or sex at all.”

“Yes.”

“But you have sex now. Geno knows, right?”

Sidney laughs at that, staring at him incredulously. “I just told you that Geno is learning how to do electrolysis so he can help me get rid of my facial hair. So yes, he knows.”

Jonny looks affronted at that. “Hey! This is kind of a surprising thing. It’s not like I hear this every day.”

“I can start telling you every day if you want,” Sidney says, feeling remarkably calm. It’s Jonny. He’s not going to say a damn thing and she knows it. 

Jonny shakes his head and picks his fork back up. “Nah. Once is enough. Not something I’m going to forget anytime soon.”

“We’re cool?” asks Sidney.

Jonny smirks at her. “We’re cool. You’re not the first transgender person I’ve known.”

“Really?” Sidney asks, looking interested. “Because I don’t know anyone else.”

“I guess it would be hard to talk to other people in your situation,” Jonny says thoughtfully. “I’ll see if I can get Mike’s number from Kaner. He’s one of Kaner’s high school buddies.”

Sidney makes a face at that. What she’s heard of Kaner’s high school buddies is routinely not flattering. Jonny starts to laugh, knowing what she’s thinking.

“Nah, Mike’s not like the rest of them. He’s not a bro. He was Kaner’s tutor since he traveled so much,” Jonny says with a wave of his fork. “His name was Megan then and Kaner hit on him. A lot.”

Sidney snorts. “It’s Kaner.”

“Mike put him in his place and they ended up staying friends. He moved out to Chicago a few years ago and they got back in touch. Kaner hit on him a lot then too.”

“And everything is good for Mike?”

Jonny frowns at her. “Not really no. He lost his family and most of his friends when he started to live as a man. I think Kaner is the only one he still talks to from high school. Sid, you know this isn’t going to be easy, right?”

Sidney nods, playing with her pasta now. “I know I’ve been lucky. Everyone who I’ve told has been supportive.”

“And hey, this is me. Being supportive,” Jonny says with a flush to his cheeks. “I never want to hear details if you chop it off though.”

Sidney laughs at that. “Yeah no. Not going to be talking about that with anyone except Geno and my doctors.”

“I totally support you getting a nice rack though,” Jonny grins over at her. 

And he really does because Sidney gets a box from Jonny three weeks after she’s back from Russia and inside is a selection of breast forms for her to wear. 

Geno peeks into the box, looking at them thoughtfully. “Lots to try.”

“Yeah,” Sidney says with a happy smile. “Jonny’s awesome.”

 

3\. Kris Letang

 

Once Flower, Max, and Sergei know, Sidney decides it’s only fair to tell Tanger the truth as well. The four of them spent so long keeping her from being bothered in clubs or by teammates, she owes him the truth. 

Geno’s out back grilling and Tanger is critiquing every move Geno makes with the burgers. Geno’s just rolling his eyes and he takes the beer Sidney hands him without a word. Tanger takes his as well and grins widely.

“C’mon G. Everyone knows Russians can’t grill.”

“Like you can,” Geno huffs. Sidney snorts at that, thinking of how often Tanger’s tried to grill and instead served pizza. 

“Eh, it’s not really a French-Canadian thing.” Tanger shrugs and looks over at Sidney. “So go on and tell me whatever you have to tell me.”

Sidney looks at him, a little surprised. “What do you mean?”

“We don’t exactly hang out much these days so I figured there was something you guys had to tell me when you invited me over out of the blue.”

“Oh,” Sidney rubs the back of her neck, looking over at Geno. He gives her a smile of support. “I kind of had a speech planned actually.”

Geno groans. “No. Speech was bad. Don’t use speech.”

“You wrote a speech?”

“It’s easier when there is a speech,” Sidney protests. “Or else I just say something stupid and people think I’m dying!”

Tanger coughs at that, sputtering around the sip of beer. “You’re not dying right?”

“No, not dying.” Sidney sighs and looks up at the sky with a huff. “I’m transgender.”

Tanger steps back immediately, setting the beer down with a look of disgust and horror on his face. “Why are you telling me this?”

“I … thought I should,” Sidney says haltingly. “You helped take care of me when I was younger. Kept people away. I wanted to tell you the truth.”

“That’s really fucking selfish of you,” Tanger spat back, running a hand through his hair. “No one needs to know that.”

“Kris,” Geno says warningly, his voice low.

“Hey, no. It’s fine. I know something I never wanted to know about anyone ever and it’s one of my best friends.” Tanger shakes his head. “Let’s just pretend you never told me this and I will never say anything.”

“People know,” Sidney says, her hands clenched in fists. “Flower. Max. They know too.”

Tanger holds up his hands. “Great. Good for them. I’m still going to pretend I never heard this.”

“Okay,” Sidney says weakly. 

“I’m going to go. I’ll see you at practice.”

“You’ll still listen to me on the ice, right?” asks Sidney, straightening her shoulders and fixing him with her best captain stare.

Tanger tilts his chin up, staring at her. “You still wear the C, I still want another Cup, and we’re all here for a long time together.”

“We can keep up a working relationship then,” Sidney says firmly. “Just don’t tell anyone what I told you.”

Tanger snorts. “Yeah, no chance of that. Who would believe me anyway?”

The back door slams behind him, leaving Sidney and Geno standing on the patio in shock. Geno moves to take the burgers off the grill before they burn, setting them on a plate. 

“That was … unexpected.” Sidney looks at Geno with a furrowed brow. “I didn’t think I had read the signs so badly.”

“Is shock maybe?” Geno suggests. “Might change his mind.”

“I don’t know what to think right now.”

Geno pulls her close, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Is okay. Tanger feel how he feel. Other people feel how they feel. We still a team, still going to play hard as a team.”

“I hope so. I can’t have my best D-man undermining me or not backing me up on the ice.”

“Tanger not do that.”

“I hope so,” Sidney says softly, feeling a little embarrassed. There’s a sharp hurt in her chest from Tanger’s reaction and she doesn’t want to think about it. He’s the first person who hasn’t been at least supportive to her face. She knows that Mario still isn’t comfortable with it, but he tries and he loves her and he never shies away from treating her as a woman. She knows that what she’s telling people isn’t easy to understand, not when she looks the way she does. 

“Hey,” Geno says, turning her in his arms. “Love you.”

“I love you too,” Sidney echoes, trying not to think of the look on Tanger’s face. Unfortunately she knows she’s never going to forget it.

 

4\. Claude Giroux (And Danny Briere and all three of Danny Briere’s kids)

 

Sidney ends up being friends with Claude in a really roundabout way because she mostly hates him, thinks he’s a complete douche, and he’s nowhere near as good as people think he is. But they’re on the Olympic team together and she’s the captain so she has to make nice and she does. They talk a few times, stiltedly on the phone. When the team gets together, they’re polite. It works. 

It’s Max who finally pushes, calls Sidney and asks if she can talk to Claude. Which hello, she’s been doing that and it’s been totally successful until Max tells her it’s not about hockey really. It’s about Danny and how Danny not being there is starting to affect his play and his captaincy.

And Sidney feels kind of awful because she knows how much it sucks to be separated from someone you love. 

So she calls and they talk to each other about being in love with someone who isn’t always in the same zipcode (or country) and she only calls Claude a douche once and he only calls her a bag of dicks twice, but he thanks her softly at the end of the call. 

By the time the Olympics do roll around they’re not friends, but they’re friendly. Claude joins in on the pedicure party that Jonny throws, stoically explaining how it worked last time and it’s not a bad idea to try it again. Turns out Jonny’s been doing it during the playoffs since the last Olympics. 

Claude brags about his (Danny’s) kids way too much, claiming they’re all amazing at hockey and here, just watch this video. Sidney watches a few to shut him up. Caelen and Carson are good, better than most kids their age, but Cameron is actually amazing. Sidney makes Claude show her a few more videos of the kid playing and she instantly knows he can be good, really good. NHL first round good.

And that’s how she ends up inviting Claude, Danny, and all three of Danny’s kids to spend a few weeks in Pittsburgh with her and Geno and their trainers. She can’t skate - which she’s still really pissed off about; her leg is healed! - but she can tell them what to do. 

Right now she wants to kill everyone who has ever told her that talking with Claude Giroux is a good idea. In fact she wants to go back and kill Claude’s parents just so Claude would never exist because he’s standing in the fucking kitchen holding a nightie and asking which one of them is the kinky one with a stupid fucking smirk on his stupid fucking face.

“Did you go in my _bedroom_?” Sidney squeaks out, grabbing at the nightie that Claude holds above his head like he’s not a couple of inches shorter and weighs less than her. 

“Yeah and I totally get the nail polish thing, but that’s a lot of makeup in there, man.”

And Sidney pales because he didn’t go in her bedroom, he went in her _room_. “You fucking asshole! Do you just go around opening random doors in people’s houses?”

Sidney pushes him hard, sending Claude sprawling backwards against the refrigerator. “What the actual fuck, Sid?”

“I can’t believe you would break someone’s trust like that! You’re a guest and you’re opening random doors and going into my room and I fucking hate you so much!”

Sidney brings her arm back to punch him, but Geno grabs it, stopping her from punching Claude in the face. “Let me go!”

“No,” Geno says, his face stormy. He glares at Claude, moving in and crowding him back against the refrigerator. “What the hell you doing?”

“I thought it was Taylor’s stuff,” Claude says, staring up at Geno like he’s never seen him before. “It was a joke.”

“My _life_ is not a fucking joke!” Sidney screams at him. 

Danny’s grabbing at her now, pulling her away and trying to pull Geno away from Claude at the same time. It’s not working and Sidney struggles against Danny who is a strong little fucker. 

“What the hell is going on?” Danny shouts over all of them. 

“Your boyfriend is a fucking asshole!”

“He go in her room!” Geno grabs Sidney away from Danny. “Nobody go in her room without permission.”

“Here’s the fucking nightie back. Jesus,” Claude says, throwing the nightie in Sidney’s direction. Danny’s the one who catches it and he stares at Claude like he’s in insane. 

“Her?” asks Danny.

“I’m a fucking woman okay!” Sidney shouts at him, grabbing the nightie away. “And no one goes in my room!”

Claude’s silent, staring at her in shock. Danny’s no better and through the red haze of anger, she registers the boys standing in the kitchen doorway. Sidney slumps to the ground, clutching the nightie - and it’s not even one she really likes - in her hands.

“Well shit,” Claude says, sitting down heavily as well. “Sid, I’m sorry.”

Sidney looks at him disbelievingly and huffs out an angry laugh. “You’re such an asshole. Why would you do that?”

“Because I’m an asshole who thought it would be funny to tease you about your sex life,” Claude admits. “I didn’t know. I thought it was Taylor’s room and I found the nightie in a laundry basket in your bedroom.”

“You are such an idiot. Sidney is not Scotty or Schenner. You can't treat him the same. ” Danny says quietly. 

Geno is still seething with anger, his hands balled into fists. The boys haven’t moved from the doorway and Sidney looks at all of them in turn. No one seems horrified, just shocked.

“You say anything, tell anyone, I kill you,” Geno says, his voice low. “I not joking either. I do anything to keep her safe.”

“We wouldn’t,” Danny says, moving towards the boys and making them come in the room. “None of us would. We all know how to keep secrets.”

Claude reaches out and squeezes Sidney’s knee firmly. She stares at his hand for a moment before covering it with her own and squeezing briefly before pushing him away. 

“Don’t touch,” Geno spits out immediately, sitting on the floor and blocking Sidney from Claude. Sidney leans forward and presses her face against Geno’s shoulder, scooting closer to him. 

“I’m a woman,” Sidney says quietly, the kitchen silent now except for her. “We can give you information and you can leave if you want, but don’t tell anyone.”

“We’re not leaving,” Caelen says before Claude or Danny can talk. “Claude’s a dick, but the rest of us are normal people.”

“Caelen, do not call Claude a dick.”

“He kind of is, Dad,” Caelen says, sitting on the floor as well. Carson and Cameron sit down too. Danny follows because he’s the only one standing at this point and that’s just silly. “Information would be good.”

Sidney feels Geno’s muscles flex as he shifts on the ground. She presses a kiss to his shoulder. “Geno, can you go get the pamphlets?” 

It’s silly but Geno loves those damn pamphlets from PFLAG, loves to give them to people and explain to them that there’s nothing wrong with Sidney. He keeps a stack of them in his desk just in case.

No one says anything while he’s gone, Claude moving closer to Danny who puts an arm around him even though Sidney can tell Danny’s still pissed at him. She’s still pissed at him. 

Geno comes back in and distributes the pamphlets with a scowl, sitting down half in front of Sidney again. “Read.”

“I need a drink,” Sidney says after a moment, nudging Geno lightly. “You?”

“I think we all need a drink,” Claude says, looking up briefly. “The boys too.”

Danny opens his mouth to protest, but gives in, shrugging. “Go ahead. Just beer though.”

Sidney grabs six bottles of beer, her hands a little shaky as she pops off the caps. She distributes them around, watching as Cameron takes the beer with wide eyes. He is only fourteen, she remembers. 

“Only one,” Danny says to the boys firmly. “So make it last.”

“Den more comfortable,” Geno says after a moment. “Better than kitchen floor.”

Everyone clambers to their feet, Geno leading the way. Claude hangs back, reaching for Sidney’s arm to stop her. 

“I am sorry. It was a dick move on my part.”

“It was,” she says, pulling her arm away. “I haven’t forgiven you. I never planned on telling you.”

“I got that.” Claude rubs the back of his neck. “It won’t be weird, not with us.”

Sidney narrows her eyes, trying to decide if she can believe him or not. At this point, she doesn’t have much of a choice really. It’s out there. 

“Good. Just don’t tell anyone.”

Claude nods before a grin spreads across his face. “Does this mean I should start calling you a bag of cunts?”

Sidney groans and pushes him away from her. “I really, really hate you.”

 

5\. Ray Shero and Pat Brisson

 

It’s a hard decision and one she’s put off probably a year too long. She’s been depressed, angry, and far too quick to lash out verbally with the intent to hurt. Even now she still feels a little sick with the decision, three months into secret hormone treatments only she, Geno, Pamela, and her prescribing physician know about.

It’s time though. Being bounced from the playoffs in the first round wasn’t great, but they took it to seven games and Detroit played just as hard as they did. It could have gone either way. Plus she’s in the running for the Hart again. If this was her last season - and it is - it’s not a bad one to go out on. 

Geno offers to come with her, but she wants to do this alone. Well, with Mario there since he’s the boss. She can’t retire to Ray and Pat without Mario being there to represent the ownership - the ownership she wants to join no less. She also knows that this is going to be Ray’s last year and she wants to tell him. He’s been in Pittsburgh as long as she has and Ray has always taken care of her and Geno. 

And well, Pat is going to have his hands full when she finally comes out so it’s only fair she tells him now. 

They’re in Mario’s office, sitting around the table and drinking coffee. She’s fidgeting a little, tapping her fingers against the table as they discuss the upcoming draft. 

“Sidney,” Mario says gently, reaching over to stop her hand. “What’s up?”

Sidney sighs a little and looks over at Mario. “That thing we talked about a few months ago. I’m doing that now.”

Mario furrows his brow, thinking back before opening his mouth in a silent ‘oh’ of surprise. “I didn’t realize it would be now. I thought next year maybe.”

“I can’t wait,” Sidney says softly. “I can’t hide any longer.”

Mario wraps his hand around hers, squeezing tightly. “Okay.”

“Is this something we all need to talk about?” asks Pat calmly.

Sidney takes a deep breath and looks at him and Ray. “I’m retiring.”

Ray sets his coffee down carefully, looking at Sidney, his expression sad. “But why, Sid? You’re playing great, the team needs their captain. Is it your contract? We can re-negotiate if you want.”

“It’s not the contract. In fact, I’m prepared to offer to pay the last five years of my contract. I’m not going to play for anyone else. I’m not planning to play hockey professionally again.”

Pat frowns at that. “You have to tell us where this is coming from.”

“I’m transgender,” Sidney says calmly, her hands folded on the table. “And I’ve reached the point where I need to start transitioning to female more than I need to play hockey.”

Ray sits back in shock, his mouth open. Pat shakes his head for a moment before holding up his hand. “Transgender? As in you’re actually a woman.”

“Yes.”

Sidney feels hot, embarrassed as Ray stares and Pat seems unable to understand what she said. Mario is next to her, his hand on her shoulder now.

“Okay,” Ray finally says, sitting forward again. He looks over at Mario. “I take it you already knew?”

“Since 2012,” Mario says calmly. “Sidney’s been out as transgender to a limited number of people since 2011. I did not know she was planning to retire now.”

“I told him I was thinking about it a few months ago, but never indicated when. Just that I probably wasn’t going to be able to make it through until my contract was finished.”

“This has never been addressed in hockey as far as I know,” Pat says thoughtfully. “I don’t know if there’s a way you can keep playing. Obviously certain medications are allowed. Would hormones be considered to be performance-enhancing?”

“I don’t know. I suppose if it was testosterone that would be performance-enhancing,” Ray pokes at the pad, typing quickly. “I don’t think estrogen would be. That’s what Sid would be on, right? I’m not sure how this works.”

Sidney looks at Mario, her eyes wide. She doesn’t know how to tell them that it wouldn’t matter. She can’t do this anymore. It’s not that she doesn’t want hockey. She just doesn’t want to transition while playing hockey. She’s heard enough chirping over the years to know exactly how awful it would be.

“I don’t think Sidney wants to look in that direction,” Mario says carefully, keeping his eyes on her. “She’s been the first for a lot of things already in our League. She’s going to be the first player to change gender. I don’t think she wants to be the first player on the ice changing her gender.”

“What Mario said,” Sidney says weakly, waving a hand. “I can’t.”

Ray stops and puts the pad down, nodding. “I suppose it’s just my desire to keep you here with the team.”

“I’ll still be around. Geno’s not going anywhere. In fact, I think he’d be a pretty good captain.”

“We can discuss that later,” Ray promises. “For now, let’s work together to figure out how to do this.”

“Do you want to release a statement?” asks Pat, pulling out his pad as well. 

“Not really. I’d like the news to break after the NHL awards if possible. I don’t want to be asked about it until I’m ready. And nothing about being transgender.”

Pat nods, looking at Sidney thoughtfully. “Give Geno a call, tell him everything is fine, and we’re all going out for a drink. He can meet us there.”

“Yeah I think we’re done draft talk for today,” Ray agrees, draining his coffee. “Let’s go have a drink and discuss life after hockey since Sid and I are both retiring now.”

Sidney is kind of floored, still sitting there as the other three get up. Pat claps his hand over Sidney’s shoulder warmly. 

“You could have told us years ago. You’re a good kid, Sidney. Nothing is going to change that.”

 

+1. Dmitry Evgenevich Malkin

Sidney’s exhausted, bone-deep tired, and wishing for more than an hour of sleep at a time. Dima has colic and neither she or Geno are getting much sleep because of it. They walk for hours, keeping Dima upright or if they manage to lie down, pressed against their chests so he doesn’t end up sleeping flat. Every bit of formula he keeps down feels like a victory as he slowly (too slowly) gains weight. Natalia and Vladimir happily walk with Dima as well, giving Sidney and Geno a little time to sleep.

Geno’s got him right now so she can shower. It’s a luxury and she tries her best not to fall asleep with the water beating down against her skin. It’s all about multitasking so she’s got a dilator in as well and she’s kind of snoring against the wall of the shower. 

Dima cries though and she wakes up, startling herself when a blast of hot water hits her square in the face. She finishes up her shower, checking the clock on the wall. She hasn’t dilated long enough, but it’s been enough time since the surgery that she can cut it a little short.

Sidney runs a brush through her hair, her fingers moving quickly to braid it and then wrap it into a low bun. It’s easier to have it up right now. It takes too long for it to dry anyway. She knows when she takes it down it will still be wet, but she doesn’t really care. 

Geno is crooning soft words in Russian, propped up by pillows and Dima curled on his bare chest when she comes back into the bedroom. Geno looks at her, smiles and continues on, his hand covering the entire curve of Dima’s spine.

“You’re the luckiest little boy because your Mama is extra special. She had to fight so hard to be a Mama and not a Papa like me. Mama was born a little boy just like you,” Geno presses a soft kiss to Dima’s fuzzy hair. “And like your cousins Rodik and Peyta. But your Mama wasn’t like that inside.”

Sidney sits down on the bed, towel still wrapped around her tightly. “Zhenya…”

“Shh, Solynska. I’m telling Dima a story. You can listen if you want, but no interrupting.”

Sidney sighs a little before getting up to get a bra and shirt on. She grabs another dilator and settles on the bed next to Geno, sliding it back inside while Geno continues his story. 

“I was 20 when I met your Mama and she looked like a boy then. So beautiful, so strong and tough. I think I loved her immediately but nothing happened for so long because I didn’t know she wasn’t a boy. I called her Sid like everyone else and she was the best in the NHL. We were so good on the ice. We won the Stanley Cup and she won a gold medal at the Olympics. Then we both got hurt and your Mama wasn’t able to keep herself locked up inside any longer.

“I started to understand something was going on with your Mama that she was afraid to tell me. I would find her wearing lipstick and she would curl against me to hide from the pain in her head. I loved her even more then, but I knew that I had to figure out why she was hurting so much. Boys don’t usually wear makeup or paint their nails. But Mama did when she was at her house and around me. Only around me.

“Your Mama has something called Gender Dysphoria and for a long time people thought that meant something was wrong in her head. But there was nothing wrong in her head and I read everything I could so I could help your Mama even if she never loved me back. But I was so lucky, Dima, because she did. And she still does. Now your Mama looks like she always wanted to and I get to tell everyone she is my wife and your Mama.” 

Sidney can feel tears slipping down her face and Geno is watching her as he speaks to Dima who is quiet and sucking on his fist, his tiny face turned to her as well. 

“Don’t cry,” Geno murmurs to her, reaching out with his free hand to brush away her tears. “So Dima, when you see video of your Mama skating, she’s not going to look like she does now. She’s going to look like a boy and she’s going to sound like a boy. And she is going to be amazing to watch.”

“So’s your Papa,” Sidney manages, her voice rough with emotion. 

“Yes, Papa is amazing too,” Geno agrees, smiling warmly. “But Dima, you must know that even if she doesn’t look like your Mama when you see her skate, she was always your Mama inside. Every minute of every day she knew she wasn’t a boy and she was brave and strong and changed her body to match her inside while the world watched.”

“And that is why you are the luckiest little boy with an extra special Mama. Not all Mamas have to fight so hard, but your Mama did.”

Sidney can’t help herself and she moves to kiss Geno above Dima’s head, still crying a little. She puts her hand over Geno’s where it rests on Dima’s back and this is it. This is her family, her husband, her little boy. 

And she knows, whatever Geno says to Dima otherwise, she is the lucky one.

**Author's Note:**

> I was sick last week and for some reason unable to go to sleep until I wrote the first section and the beginning of the second section of this fic. I've never written a five times fic and had no plan to write one in the HJBAP universe (look! we have an acronym) but this kind of spilled out. 
> 
> I really, really hope I have the patronymic of Evgeni correct. Everything I found has the patronymic form of й with the ending -ich for a male. If anyone knows if it is actually something else, please let me know so I can find it. 
> 
> And yes, I wanted to make the last part as sappy and sweet as possible. Your teeth should hurt from the sweetness.


End file.
